Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Embarrassed in Love

Today was a rough day but with God's help, I've lived for Him today! Praise You precious Lord, my Savior, King and Brother, You are My ALMIGHTY! I'm so glad to have such a gift in Jesus. My day started out beautifully and looking back I now know it was God preparing me for what was to come. While I initially had some not-so-trusting thoughts, I managed to retrain my focus back to being obedient.
Here's something I'm a bit embarrassed about that not many people know; Rick has been driving with a warrant because of some unpaid bills. We got our tax return and Rick immediately wanted to pay that off. I agree, that needs to be addressed. However, my not so obedient thoughts were negative in such that I was thinking as soon as we paid that bill, Rick would mentally and unconsciously make an assumption that his proverbial leash would be loosened a bit. I caught myself and prayed that my negativity would be released and trust in God that He works all things for good.
As the day progressed, I managed to get a few chores done with a calmed attitude and peace of mind that wasn't here nor there and the doorbell rang. It was my book! A devotional I ordered from blogging for books targeting marriages in distress. I was excited, stopped what I was doing and read the first day's devotion. Hmmm... how beautifully honest it was, stating marriages are hard work and yes, sometimes, embarrassing. What a relief; it's not just me who gets embarrassed by the circumstances in my marriage. I felt so normal (whatever normal is anyway) for once.
So again, the day went on, I'm on a high, somewhat validated and nothing can ruin this for me, right? Ugh... don't ever get cocky on God's watch and remember, God's ALWAYS watching! Rick leaves, was suppose to take some checks to the ministry center then make a store run for me. He wasn't gone longer than he should have been (if he's gone too long, I begin to worry). I came out of the room when he arrived and he mentioned that he did not make it to the store. "What happened?!" was my response. It was more than a gut feeling that something happened, my instantaneous thought process realized that if he hadn't gone to the store, then he was gone longer than he should have been; something happened.
He had a fender bender with a dear friend of mine who runs the prayer team. My heart sank, my feelings were hurt; I was embarrassed. My old habits of negativity came flooding back and immediately God placed the memory of the devotional in my head; thank You God. He had prepared me for the day when the day began. What more can we ask for?
Once I gathered myself, I prayed then asked for prayer for acceptance of my circumstances and surrendering my will for God's. Then as I asked a friend for that very prayer for me, I had to make that store run myself (the cat still needed food!) and I saw this scripture, "Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy." Psalm 34:5 (not sure of the version). When I looked the entire passage up on in the NIV, I liked the surrounding messages as a whole:

"I will extol the Lord at all times;
His praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor woman called, and the Lord heard her;
He saved her out of all her troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
and He delivers them.
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the woman who takes refuge in Him." (NIV)

Praise You God! Good night and Amen.

No comments:

About Me

My photo
Anthem, Arizona, United States
I'm a caregiver to my husband who is permanently disabled. Life can be a bit challenging when it's not really about me at all. I've got two boys, 18 and 3 and they're both an added handful. I spend my spare time trying to keep from being bored and try to make it about me, life and socializing with others about how they spend their time. Hence, the birth of this blog!